Embarassing Death #2 The Shaq 3-Pointer NBA Live ʼ08

This embarrassing death is inspired by this yearʼs NBA playoffs, even though Iʼm bummed that the Celtics have been eliminated from the playoffs.

Imagine this: youʼre playing as the Celtics against the Heat with Shaq as their center. You make a comeback from ten down, to tie the game. You manage to keep the ball out of D-Wadeʼs hands, and itʼs inbounded to Shaq.Thereʼs only three seconds left on the clock, so Shaq steps to the three pointline, jacks up a three-point prayer, and swoosh! It goes in. Shaq has just taken the victory from you with a three pointer as the time winds down.

Yes, this is the same Shaq who hasnʼt made a free throw since 1993. The Shaq who has made a total of one three pointer in his entire NBA career. This is the guy whotook the victory from you. Somehow heʼs managed to learn how to shoot the three, just in time to make sure that you cannot win.

But then again, maybe it was your lack of defensive intensity that caused you to win. I mean, we all know how easy defense is to play on the Wii version of NBA Liveʼ08. And whatever you do, donʼt admit this embarrassing defeat to anybody. Not only will it irreparably damage your reputation, youʼll give extra props to the Big Diesel, and the only thing bigger than Shaquille OʼNeal is this imposing centerʼs ego.

Embarassing Death Number One: Death By Goomba

Death by Goomba is just one of the most embarrassing things that can happen to a video game addict; far more embarrassing than the time my little sister's girlfriend was able to open a can I couldn't. Goombas aren't only slow and stupid; they don't seem to have any tools to take out everyone's favorite plumber. Take a look:

What's he going to do to take you out? He hasn't got any teeth (yet), and when he does get them, they seem pretty easy to avoid. He;s got no arms, so he can't punch you. He's got two tiny little feet that definitely can't reach out to kick Mario. So, how does this guy take you down?

But watch out, if he does get you, you're going to lose a life, or a power-up. More importantly, you will lose any respect you might have earned amongst your gaming friends. So, if one of these ugly little critters does take you out, hope that no one is there to see, and then deny, deny, deny (just like during a police interrogation). If you don't, you might lose all your respect amongst your friends, and never be able to show your face in public again.